Oxygen
Sung by: Avalon

I take each breath as if it is my first
I hold it there, so deep inside me
’Til I’m about to burst

Every time she has with him feels like the first time. She loves him so much that she holds each moment dear to her heart.Each moment with him that she has she savors. Each time she sits to think of him she has to pause and remind herself to breathe. He is as essential to her day as breathing. Without him beside her she feels so alone and empty. Opening her eyes late at night hoping to see his beautiful face there next to her, but she knows that that he won’t be. Not until the day they exchange vows... Yet still she is wishing that his arms were around her as she slept... maybe she was as he teased her whipped but she knew that she didn’t want to be normal ever again.

I speak each word as if it is Your name
I move my lips ... I see the whisper
Stir the gentle flame

Each night she closes her eyes and whispers his name, the only time she is allowed to. With her dark brown hair fanning her pillow as she tosses and turns in her dreams feeling as if she cannot get enough air, enough of him into her system. She knows that she is addicted when she stays up late in hopes to catch a few moments with him. She feels so lost without him. Had never realized how empty life was without him.

As she goes throughout her day to day she speaks to those around her, whispering the way she would want to whisper his name. She wishes with each word she says that it was him there next to her. She wishes it were his name she called whenever she talks to someone who is not him. He’s the only one she wants.

Your heart beats and so does mine
Your love moves
And I know I’m alive

In her dreams she is haunted by the feel of his heart beating beneath her ear as she lies against him. Their hearts beat in time, as if they are already one. She feels so alive with him there, and so comatose without him. His love reassures her of all that she has doubted, it shows her that she is beautiful and fully worthy of a love like this. His love fills her with good things... unlike any other counterfeit- this is real.

I take each breath as if it is my last
You never know what came so slowly
Could leave us, oh, so fast

Every time she dreams of him, sees him, talks to him she holds it like it is their last moment together. She remembers every smile, every frown, every time he would seek to make her smile. His beautiful brown eyes, his boyish grin, the way he lets her into his heart and holds her there. She has waited for what felt like forever for his love to come, she wants to savor each moment that she has with him. She doesn’t want to miss a taste or drop of their love.

I take each step as if it is to You
I hear Your voice
I feel Your presence
In everything I do

She no longer plans for only herself, every place that she is going to leads to him. Each path leads to his heart- she only wants to make him happy, make him smile and forget the pain of life. She hears his voice as she goes throughout her day, he makes her smile as she feels his presence whenever and wherever she is. In all that she goes through she breathes in his love.

My soul sleeps, Your love revives
Our hearts meet
And I know I’m alive

When she sleeps their love culminates unlike any other. It is here that her desires come to the forefront and she realizes that it is with his love that the beauty of her life has come to light. Their hearts meet and are one- no one can separate the way she feels about him- his love shows her how alive and beautiful she is. When she closes her eyes she hears him, feels him, smells him, tastes him and sees him. He makes all of her sense come alive.

You are my oxygen
I breathe You in
I breathe You out
You are my oxygen
You are my love
You are what life’s about

He is her oxygen, without him her heart would be dead. As she takes him in and allows him to go she realizes that their love is pure and true. Filled with life, purity and a beauty unlike any other. He was what her life was about.

The air is thick, the flower sweet
The shadow comes down
Tonight the moon is at my feet
And I breathe You in
I breathe You in to me

As she closes her eyes realizing finally and fully how much she loves him, she wants to cry. Finally the rose has bloomed fully, the air is thick with the fragrance of its heart. Her heart is finally allowed to show every aspect of itself without fear of being hurt and crushed. His promises are so sure that she feels like he would get the moon for her if she asked him to. All she wants to do is breathe him in and out forever. All she wants is for him to become a part of her.

I’m nobody without You
If You were not here what would I do

If he left, he took with him everything... If he left her heart would close again and she wouldn’t know how to ever go back to her normal existence... He was her Oxygen...

You are my oxygen
I breathe You in
Oh I breathe You out
You are my oxygen
You are my love
You are what life’s about

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Friday I celebrated  my three and a half mark. I thought thatit would be rough if I ever got here but it wasn't. It was like so smooth... I know that it's been three and a half years since the day he told me the words that thrust me into this time of being alone. But now I am finally at the phase where I am happy where I am at and where I am about to just for a while say no to even thinking of giving up this time. Yeah so what if a LOT of my friends are in serious relationships and/or married or engaged, I am happy where I am at because this is where God wanted me to be like ages before.

 

So on November 2nd, 2003 was the day I got my heart broken but June 2nd, 2006 I finally got it back and decided to make the MOST of my single status and live like there was no such thing as being attached and truly more for HIM.

 

So until the next time I hope that you keep 1 Corinthians 7 in ya Heart and Spirit.

 

This is my current single status, a declaration of independence, there's no way I am trading places, right now a star's in the ascending...I'm SINGLE

 

The Diarist

For every moment was meant to be taken in and reflected upon.

 

 

The little girl sits there thinking, dreaming, wishing that someday it will come. Her prince on his white steed to rescue her from so much but most importantly to love her. She will be loved someday- yet when?

 

Her friends say to her to be careful what she wishes for.... but she can't help it. If her Heavenly Father had asked her that which she wanted most in life she would always reply to be loved. Yet she hasn't found it yet. Not the deep and true love that poets write about, not the type one dreams about, not the one she can see herself with for the rest of her life.

 

*See the girl with the broken smile* Her smile is permanently pasted upon her face yet it is so fake! She wants it not to be broken on the inside. She wants to be real to everyone. She wants to be loved. She wants to be loved now.

 

 

 

The Diarist

{For every moment was meant to be taken in and reflected upon.}

watashi no koe wa todokimasuka? afureru kimochi ienakatta watashi wa kimi ni totte no sora de itai kanashimi made mo tsutsumi konde itsudemo miageru toki wa hitori janai to tooku de omoeru you ni kaeru basho de aru you ni	will my voice reach you? I couldn't say those overflowing feelings for you I want to be the sky for you even enveloping all of your pains whenever I look up, I want to feel that I'm not alone even if I'm far away let there be a place I can return to
kaeru basho de aru you ni	let there be a place I can return to