This one is just to say that I am looking ahead and I am so over it all... Another entry to the song diary...

 

Natasha

 

 

Yeah so I know that I am usually the jovial happy go lucky one who has a word and a smile, today I just don't. I  can't! And all I ask is that you pray for me... I need to get over this betrayal...

 

It seems as if whenever one area of life is resolving itself, another begins to rear its ugly head. I wish it would all stop, but the only time the troubles will stop is when I die. But until then I think I need to find someone who needs my help with something... Funny thing is who will I be led to this time?

 

Still crying on the inside, as I remain stoic on the outside... but hey ce la vie!

 

Pinku Purinsesu {Pink princess}

 

Tatania

Well whoa! The diva is actually smiling again. To find the reason why I'd become so introverted I had to stop and take a breather... a lot of things have changed, I've let myself out of myself more (he that hath ear let him hear).

 

So well me and Kisa went out on Saturday night and had fun! We didn't have to be perfect, say the perfect things, or look like lil ladies. We only had to be us! LOL! It's good being loosed of shackles.

 

It seems as though since I let my sunshine go, I've begun to be myself again. I didn't realize how inhibited I was with him around! I didn't realize how much I couldn't breathe with him around... or even write poems (I've written like 10 since he's been gone) or sometimes even smile. But hey life began anew in Jan. 07, and guess what ppl.... it feels good to have let him go...

 

So I'm smiling from ear to ear for many reasons, only those near and dear may ever understand, and I realize that as I grow as a Christian, not everything I do or say may be what others expect or demand of me. The rose is in BLOOM... are you ready for it?

 

Until later I'll be praying for you,

 

The Legacy begins...

The Princess has finally awakened...

Can you handle it?

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year to all of my adoring fans. I am so sorry for the wait, but I am back from vacation and the Hades I sent myself to whilst I was not writing to you all.

 

For the past few months I have been so delinquent in writing all becaues so much has happened. You would think that the more that happened the more that I would have to talk about, yet honey, the truth is that I got a new job, did some new things internally and externally, so much that I will have to for the next few issues/ posts give it all to you in pictures. I hope that you enjoy the journey I'm taking you on...

 

First it began with a revamping of who Natasha is... This caused many things to happen around me... But these are the first pics

 

Hope you enjoy and that you keep Psalms 8 in ya SPirit.

 

Ya Sistah in Christ,

Natasha T. D. Rufin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The words have been drained from this pencil,

Sweet words that I want to give you,

And I can't sleep,

I need to tell you goodnight... [You- Evanescence]

 

Silly stories, poems and e-mails from her heart poured into her notebook. Mostly about him, and she'd wanted so badly to share it with him. Calling him one evening with the express thought of finally sharing her thoughts, yet he'd wanted something different. "Arianna, I need to be honest with you about my feelings." That was how it had begun, she who had felt so comfortable around him had to hear him say to her that he didn't see her in the way that she viewed him. He told her a line that she had heard so many times yet it hurt so much more coming from him. Yet this time unlike the others she didn't cry, she had prepped herself for it. She'd had a week away from him to think on it, on him and had instinctively known what was sure to come. Yet she had been so optimistic that she hadn't been real and true to herself.

 

You used to captivate me...

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams,

Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me, [My Immortal- Evanescence]

 

She awoke in a sweat from the dream of her running so fast from him and the heartache she knew would come that all aroung her became a blur. In the end she fell to her knees crying as he approached her. She was afraid that he would tell her that he didn't see her the way she saw him, or even worse that he saw her the same way and she awoke and realized that it was but a dream. She was tired of it, she wished that his face and his words didn't haunt her each time she closed her eyes. Yet it did.

 

Has no one told you she's not breathing,

Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to,

Hello!

If I smile and don't believe

Soon I know I'll wake

From this dream

Don't try to fix me I'm not broken

Hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide,

Don't cry. [Hello- Evanescence]

 

She sat on her bed and talked to her best friend and realized that to him all she could be is dead. She never wanted to share herself with anyone ever again, yet she knew that she wouldn't feel like closing off from all men for too long. Yet at times she wished that it had been a dream, or he had just found someone knew, or that at least he had lied to her. In her heart it didn't feel as if it was all true. But she would walk away head held high, still perfectly whole.

 

Suddenly I know I am not sleeping

Hello

I'm still here,

All that's left of yesterday [Hello-Evanescence]

 

As she got up the next morning she realized that it was not a dream, it had happened. He had told her in essence that she was a pest and that he thought that she was annoying. Yet she was still herself and would always be...

 

Rain outside my window pouring down,

What now your gone....

Now it's too late to turn it around...

I guess this time it really is goodbye. [I'm Sorry- Craig David]

 

With fingers flying across keys she remembered her last conversation with him.

"Well I guess we ga link later" she said softly to him as she hung up the phone. That was it, the end.

She knew that she would never call him again for as she'd told her Diary the other night they could either be two of Deborah Cox's songs "How Did You Get Here" or "We Can't Be Friends". She guessed that they were the latter. She hurt so much but she knew that she would get over it. Someday she knew he would look back and think on the night the way she did but what he would take of it she didn't know...

 

Until later Keep Psalms 43 in ya Spirit.

 

Ya Sistah in Christ,

Natasha T.D. Rufin

 

The Diarist

For each moment was meant to be taken in and reflected upon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The sun was shining, as the birds twittered wonderously in the trees outside our window. The dressesand tuxes were perfect, they had been found without a hitch, today would be the first day of the rest of their lives together. Well it didn't go exactly like this. There was barely any sun, and if I told you the story of the dresses and tuxes you would die laughing. The power went out whilst the bride's hair was being done. Then it rained for so much of that day,  that most of the guests and the bridal party was late. Let me tell you this one thing I learned at the end of it all- all you really need is love. For as soon as the ceremony began the rain stopped and after a while the power was back on.

 

Yesterday for Emethius and Carla Melbourne (*tear*- have to get use to saying that!) did NOT go in the way they had planned but it was perfect  nonetheless.They had each other yet most of all they had God! I was priviledged to usher at this wedding so I know ALL that went wrong but at the end of it they had achieved what they had wanted- they had achieved a commitment so deep and lasting that those around know they will make it. Not once did they get angry, they both smiled and thanked God for the day, and they  thanked Him for the love He had given them. And as myself and others looked on we smiled, they had the key ingredient for success, love and an abiding trust in God!