Oxygen
Sung by: Avalon

I take each breath as if it is my first
I hold it there, so deep inside me
’Til I’m about to burst

Every time she has with him feels like the first time. She loves him so much that she holds each moment dear to her heart.Each moment with him that she has she savors. Each time she sits to think of him she has to pause and remind herself to breathe. He is as essential to her day as breathing. Without him beside her she feels so alone and empty. Opening her eyes late at night hoping to see his beautiful face there next to her, but she knows that that he won’t be. Not until the day they exchange vows... Yet still she is wishing that his arms were around her as she slept... maybe she was as he teased her whipped but she knew that she didn’t want to be normal ever again.

I speak each word as if it is Your name
I move my lips ... I see the whisper
Stir the gentle flame

Each night she closes her eyes and whispers his name, the only time she is allowed to. With her dark brown hair fanning her pillow as she tosses and turns in her dreams feeling as if she cannot get enough air, enough of him into her system. She knows that she is addicted when she stays up late in hopes to catch a few moments with him. She feels so lost without him. Had never realized how empty life was without him.

As she goes throughout her day to day she speaks to those around her, whispering the way she would want to whisper his name. She wishes with each word she says that it was him there next to her. She wishes it were his name she called whenever she talks to someone who is not him. He’s the only one she wants.

Your heart beats and so does mine
Your love moves
And I know I’m alive

In her dreams she is haunted by the feel of his heart beating beneath her ear as she lies against him. Their hearts beat in time, as if they are already one. She feels so alive with him there, and so comatose without him. His love reassures her of all that she has doubted, it shows her that she is beautiful and fully worthy of a love like this. His love fills her with good things... unlike any other counterfeit- this is real.

I take each breath as if it is my last
You never know what came so slowly
Could leave us, oh, so fast

Every time she dreams of him, sees him, talks to him she holds it like it is their last moment together. She remembers every smile, every frown, every time he would seek to make her smile. His beautiful brown eyes, his boyish grin, the way he lets her into his heart and holds her there. She has waited for what felt like forever for his love to come, she wants to savor each moment that she has with him. She doesn’t want to miss a taste or drop of their love.

I take each step as if it is to You
I hear Your voice
I feel Your presence
In everything I do

She no longer plans for only herself, every place that she is going to leads to him. Each path leads to his heart- she only wants to make him happy, make him smile and forget the pain of life. She hears his voice as she goes throughout her day, he makes her smile as she feels his presence whenever and wherever she is. In all that she goes through she breathes in his love.

My soul sleeps, Your love revives
Our hearts meet
And I know I’m alive

When she sleeps their love culminates unlike any other. It is here that her desires come to the forefront and she realizes that it is with his love that the beauty of her life has come to light. Their hearts meet and are one- no one can separate the way she feels about him- his love shows her how alive and beautiful she is. When she closes her eyes she hears him, feels him, smells him, tastes him and sees him. He makes all of her sense come alive.

You are my oxygen
I breathe You in
I breathe You out
You are my oxygen
You are my love
You are what life’s about

He is her oxygen, without him her heart would be dead. As she takes him in and allows him to go she realizes that their love is pure and true. Filled with life, purity and a beauty unlike any other. He was what her life was about.

The air is thick, the flower sweet
The shadow comes down
Tonight the moon is at my feet
And I breathe You in
I breathe You in to me

As she closes her eyes realizing finally and fully how much she loves him, she wants to cry. Finally the rose has bloomed fully, the air is thick with the fragrance of its heart. Her heart is finally allowed to show every aspect of itself without fear of being hurt and crushed. His promises are so sure that she feels like he would get the moon for her if she asked him to. All she wants to do is breathe him in and out forever. All she wants is for him to become a part of her.

I’m nobody without You
If You were not here what would I do

If he left, he took with him everything... If he left her heart would close again and she wouldn’t know how to ever go back to her normal existence... He was her Oxygen...

You are my oxygen
I breathe You in
Oh I breathe You out
You are my oxygen
You are my love
You are what life’s about

Below you will find a post from a site I'm on! I thought to share it because it deals with a topic that many young persons ask over and over again. Read and respond or just pass along to a friend- it's time we all started to talk about this stuff!

Original Post From a Forum I was ON:
I promised my parents i wouldn't have sex till i got married. We did the whole "waiting on true love" thing, and they even gave me a special ring to wear as a sign of my commitment. I remember feeling so certain at that time-there was no way i was going to mess around. Now I just don't feel as strongly about it. When i look at the ring, I feel less certain in about what it really means to me.
My friends say sex is a rite of passage into adulthood. If that's true, then i ought to be ready for it. It's not not that i want to do it because everyone else is doing it. I want to do it for me, that's all. It's something i feel like I need to experience now.
Sometimes I imagine that somewhere a guy i"m supposed to be with someday is feeling the same pressure and temptations. I even say a prayer for him to stay strong. Maybe he's praying the same for me. Of course, sometimes I even doubt that this guy exists. He doesn't go to my school, that's for sure.
My guy friends tell me I'll never meet a guy who lives up to my standards. They say almost every guy has already done it anyway. So why fight so hard to be a virgin?
profile: Gabi

My response:

Sex is not just about the physical- its about the spiritual, and emotional. Sex (as much as young people try to say it is) is not a rite of passage. Sex isn't something to be taken lightly. Sex is serious stuff! It was created to symbolize worship in it's highest form- there is no other way you can get as close to another person than through sex. God didn't tell us as singles to remain sexually chaste because He wanted to keep us from something good- He wanted to guard our hearts.

A few scripture texts for you (go grab your Bible): 1 Corinthians 7:1, Proverbs 4:23, Song Of Songs 8: 8-9; 4:12; and 8:4. Firstly it is BETTER for a man NOT to touch a woman, you know what that means honey- tell them to get there hands off! We need to guard well our hearts honey- because all kinds of things come out when we don't control it. Next I want you to stop and think are you a wall or a door? Do you know the difference? The difference is being pure and being promiscuous. Your husband should be able to say that you are his private garden- not something that every Tom, Dick and Harry been in and around. God admonishes us not to rush nor awaken love/ sexual desires before their time because He knows that it only causes us heartaches. In His word He is adamant about us remaining sexually pure. He knows our hearts and knows that Satan will try to steal kill and destroy us in this arena.

We are given a gift (yeah I know that is such a cliched metaphor- but it's true!) that is wrapped, and once we open the wrapping- it can never be wrapped the same again. Why fight to be a virgin? Girl look around you at the persons dying from the effects of living a promiscuous life. (Unwanted pregnancies, HIV, STI's etcetera... living outside of God's will has its consequences.) Yeah you may say that you won't be promiscuous or deal with those consequences- but the one time you do can cause you to end up in the same issues. I don't have a promise to earthly parents to keep but I do have a vow with my Heavenly Father. He asks us to remain pure because He KNOWS that sex before marriage causes all kinds of dramas and traumas.

And as for your so called friends- girl they ain't for you! If they were they would admonish you to keep your vow- not for your parents- but for the God who loved and died for you. Matthew 7:6 (Cast not your pearls amongst swine.) Don't give that which is precious to any man- it is only for the man who has invested enough time to realize that He loves you and that He wants to have you as His bride. (Proverbs 31:10) He will not dishonor you/ uncover you- because to do so would be to hurt God- and He loves God so He WILL respect you!

As to where he is right now- girl keep praying! God has Him protected- in whatever capacity he comes. 2 Timothy 1:12(He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day...) Oh and as for there not being any more virgins girl that's a lie of the enemy! I have a lot of Christian male friends who are still sexually chaste. Don't worry about it- God's word is sure! Trust me I have been where you are and I am so glad that I kept my vow and that I am continuing to keep it.

Hope that you are encouraged and that you realize that God loves you more than any man ever could!

Nat
*My strength is as the strength of ten men because my heart is pure!*- Sir Galahad

What Does my hair have to do with anything?

Something I found so funny yeasterday- but also pissed me off like mad was a statement amde by an older SDA member who I held in high regard. It seems that with me being so vicisitious with my hair styles persons have begun to wonder if I'm ok. Am I ok? Yes I am! I have been for a long time and what I find to be so funny is the fact that when I was not okay no one really new because I caused not a ripple nor stir- I looked the way I always looked, I seemed to be stable while on the inside I was crumbling. Isn't it funny how we judge each other by how we look? If I sit and I'm not smiling everyone pushes me to tell them what is wrong. Do I have to be hurt to not smile? Suppose I just am lost in my own thoughts or recollections? The crazy thing is that the young persons they ought to worry and pray about look the same always on the outside- but on the inside/ in the dark they are totally different. I'm also tired of hearing that my love of hairstyles is a phase that I need to go through and that I should have been over it by now. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't- don't worry about the length of time it takes.  What I love about God is that He is a God who enjoys variety- and what I do isn't what you may do- but He loves it and me just the same. As Christians we get caught up in placing persons in boxes that we think is what a Christian should look like. Where in the Bible did it say that I could not change my hairstyle every week if I wanted to? My relationship with Christ is mine, and no one else can tell me how to act except Him. Yeah I know as a Chrisitian my life is subject to being placed under heavy scrutiny- but really people my hair? What does it have to do with anything? I'm young and single (Praise God!) and this may very well be the last moment in my life that I get to express my creativity. I am going to enjoy every moment to the fullest! I have to run, but I pray that you are encouraged and that you keep James 3:18 in your Spirit. Natasha

In John 15:5-7 our Saviour, Shepherd, King and Heavenly fiance admonished us to remain in Him just as He remained in the Father. he tells us this because He knows the trauma/ dramas we will face! Christ loves us so much that He wants to carry the burdens we have in our lives for us. I love to think of the poem "Footprints" because it talks so much of us abiding in Him. It is as we abide in Him that He carries us through our roughest and toughest moments. He takes us through the fire so that He can refine us so well that all impurities dies and He is then able to see Himself reflected in Him.

 

There is a pearl of Great price in each of our lives that deserves our everything. (Matthew 13:45-46) That Pearl is a personal walk and talk with God, giving up everything so that we can have something that is uniquely precious. He asks our all but do we give it? Why does it seem as if we second guess ourselves and hold back our all? Almost as if we wonder if He is worth the price? What is the everything that holds you back from LOVING your Jesus? Is it the desire of fame and fortune/ Family? Friends? the desire to be in a relationship? What is it that keeps you from getting to the true heart of worship?

 

Truly and fully there were quite a few things that held me back from taking that next step in abiding in Him. It is so easy to get bogged down by the evryday issues- and end up forgetting Christ. So as I was reading a few new devotionals I realized something- for the past 5 years I have not fully used my time outside of a relationship wisely. I have not really fully taken my heart to the next level, I haven't gone seeking the PEARL! As Joshua Harris said in "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"- 'God gives us singleness- a season of our lives unmatched in boundless opurtunities for growth, learning and service- and we view it as a chance to get bogged down in finding and keeping boyfriends and girlfriends. But we don't find real beauty of singleness in pursuing romance with as many different people as we want. We find the real beauty in using our freedom to serve God with abandon.' I want to serve Him with abandon! I want to give Him my all! I want to sit like Mary at Jesus's feet in worship! I am so tired of all of the dates and stuff- I want to give God one year of my UNDEVOTED attention. So begining tomorrow, I will be on a Sabbatical from dating. In this year I will not entertain any thoughts of dates and relationships, for a full year the only man who will have my heart is Christ.

 

Who would have thought I'd finally say 'okay Daddy it's just really only You and me' anytime within the next five years? Who knows I may actually take it to 2 or 3 at the end of it all. Only God knows. But I am on a Sabbatical, a journey seeking after a precious jewel, and I'm praying that in the end my Daddy can look down and say- there she goes- the one who truly sought after my heart and sought to abide in ME! She chose the better way, she found the pearl of Great Price!

 

Praying that you are encouraged and hope to hear about your journey! Until later I pray that You keep John 15 in your heart and Spirit.

 

Your Sister in Christ,

Natasha

 

This one is just to say that I am looking ahead and I am so over it all... Another entry to the song diary...

 

Natasha

 

 

Yeah so I know that I am usually the jovial happy go lucky one who has a word and a smile, today I just don't. I  can't! And all I ask is that you pray for me... I need to get over this betrayal...

 

It seems as if whenever one area of life is resolving itself, another begins to rear its ugly head. I wish it would all stop, but the only time the troubles will stop is when I die. But until then I think I need to find someone who needs my help with something... Funny thing is who will I be led to this time?

 

Still crying on the inside, as I remain stoic on the outside... but hey ce la vie!

 

Pinku Purinsesu {Pink princess}

 

Tatania

Well whoa! The diva is actually smiling again. To find the reason why I'd become so introverted I had to stop and take a breather... a lot of things have changed, I've let myself out of myself more (he that hath ear let him hear).

 

So well me and Kisa went out on Saturday night and had fun! We didn't have to be perfect, say the perfect things, or look like lil ladies. We only had to be us! LOL! It's good being loosed of shackles.

 

It seems as though since I let my sunshine go, I've begun to be myself again. I didn't realize how inhibited I was with him around! I didn't realize how much I couldn't breathe with him around... or even write poems (I've written like 10 since he's been gone) or sometimes even smile. But hey life began anew in Jan. 07, and guess what ppl.... it feels good to have let him go...

 

So I'm smiling from ear to ear for many reasons, only those near and dear may ever understand, and I realize that as I grow as a Christian, not everything I do or say may be what others expect or demand of me. The rose is in BLOOM... are you ready for it?

 

Until later I'll be praying for you,

 

The Legacy begins...

The Princess has finally awakened...

Can you handle it?

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year to all of my adoring fans. I am so sorry for the wait, but I am back from vacation and the Hades I sent myself to whilst I was not writing to you all.

 

For the past few months I have been so delinquent in writing all becaues so much has happened. You would think that the more that happened the more that I would have to talk about, yet honey, the truth is that I got a new job, did some new things internally and externally, so much that I will have to for the next few issues/ posts give it all to you in pictures. I hope that you enjoy the journey I'm taking you on...

 

First it began with a revamping of who Natasha is... This caused many things to happen around me... But these are the first pics

 

Hope you enjoy and that you keep Psalms 8 in ya SPirit.

 

Ya Sistah in Christ,

Natasha T. D. Rufin